The One Week
by DesiringPirates
Summary: Set after Season 8 Episode 10. Barney and his new girlfriend, Patrice, plan a retreat to the mountains for a weekend. This leaves Robin feeling down, angry… and sneaky. Meanwhile, Ted fails to impress at one of his classes.
1. Chapter 1

Title: The One Week

Rated: PG

Author: desiringpirates

Summary: Barney and his new girlfriend, Patrice, plan a retreat to the mountains for a weekend. This leaves Robin feeling down, angry… and sneaky. Meanwhile, Ted fails to impress at one of his classes.

Author's Notes: My first time writing HIMYM fanfic! I've never even read any either. XD Well, I hope you enjoy! This first chapter didn't take me long at all, and I'm hoping that the story will only be about 3-4 chapters long. Hopefully I will update it again next week.

**Chapter One**

"Are you okay, Robin?" Barney asked, sitting down next to her on the stoop. He could hear the crowd at McLaren's chattering away and wanted to go back inside to get his girlfriend, but... it was Robin. And she was unhappy.

Robin sniffled, and wiped a tear from her eye. "Yeah! Yeah. I'm alright." She looked at Barney, and sighed. "Just go back and find Patrice. Knowing her, she must be worried."

Barney was silent for a moment. "Okay. But..." he placed a hand on her shoulder, and she wanted him to keep it there. "Never mind. If you don't want to talk about it, that's okay. Do you want to come back inside?"

"No. I'm okay."

"Are you sure you're okay? Patrice and I-"

"I SAID I'M OKAY. GO BACK TO PATRICE." Robin yelled, her eyes wide. Barney's hand fell from her shoulder, making her feel colder.

"Okay."

"Okay!" Robin's tears were gone now, replaced by anger. She watched as Barney got up from the stoop and slowly walked back to the bar.

He turned one more time to face her, but she was no longer looking at him. He made a move to say something, but decided against it and went back inside the bar. The noise of the bar rose up around him, yet the ringing of Robin's scream still rung in his ears. Something felt wrong. Something was wrong.

But his girlfriend was smiling at him nervously, and he wanted to let her know that everything...

... Everything was okay.

(B)(R)(O)

ONE WEEK EARLIER

"I think Patrice is good for Barney. She really mellows him out, you know?" Ted took a sip of his beer while Lily and Marshall nodded their heads in agreement.

"After Nora and Quinn, it's nice that he has someone who just likes him." Lily said.

Everyone agreed. Everyone except for Robin.

Robin put her glass of scotch down on the coasters and leaned in. "I know something about Patrice that will make everyone see how she is."

Intrigued, but knowing that it was going to be a set - up, the other three leaned in to listen to their friend.

"Patrice..." Robin started, dragging the sentence out for a more dramatic effect, "... is a sociopath."

Lily, Marshall and Ted clicked their tongues in disappointment and leaned back in the pew. They knew what they were getting into, yet they still listened. Lily had had enough. She put her beer down, and reached across the table to hold her delusional friend's hand. If she was going to do this, it had to be down gently.

"Sweetie, Patrice is not-" she shook her head, "-NOT a sociopath."

"Yeah, sociopaths are not known for showing emotions." Ted added, taking another sip of his beer.

"That's not true! They can show a lot of emotions, such as being incredibly charming and bubbly-"

"Robin, Sweetie, if Patrice is a sociopath than Marshall is a monkey's uncle." Lily interrupted.

"Hey!" Marshall stopped and thought about it for a second. "Actually, that would be pretty cool."

"Wouldn't it? You can hang around in trees!" Ted smiled.

"Eat bananas all day." Marshall laughed, but stopped at the look on his wife's face. "That's not the point. The point is that you, Robin, are having a serious problem right now. Do we need to have another intervention?"

Robin shook her head furiously. "No! And I tell you again that I do NOT have a problem."

Just then, Barney and his new girlfriend showed up, smiling and holding hands. Robin was the only one who was not smiling at them.

"Hey guys! Whatcha talking about?" Barney asked, offering Patrice a chair.

"Whether monkeys would make good nephews for Marshall." Ted supplied, glad that the whole Robin-is-crazy-thing was over.

"I love monkeys!" Patrice giggled.

"NO ONE ASKED YOU PATRICE!" Robin yelled, then grabbed her coat and purse and headed for the door.

(B)(R)(O)

Ted smiled as he put the finishing touches on his model of Goliath National Bank's newest building, the one he just designed, and stood back. His students would be tickled pink at seeing an actual project from start to finish. He just had to make sure everything was connected just right, or else one little disruption could send the whole thing tumbling down.

"You are never going to believe this!" Barney slammed the door as he walked into Ted's apartment. Quickly, Ted reached out to grab any falling pieces, but none came off his model. "Patrice asked me to go away on a weekend vacation with her."

"Sounds nice, where you going?" Ted asked, getting out the glue to add more trees to the fake lawn.

"No, Ted, you don't understand. I don't want to go."

Ted looked up, surprised at his friend. "Why not? Most guys would love to go out on a romantic weekend with their girlfriends. Victoria and I use to do it all the time."

"I'm… not ready." Barney shifted. "To… you know. With her."

Ted looked confused, and set down his glue bottle. He joined Barney on the couch, where his friend had sat down.

"But I thought you and Patrice-"

"Never." Barney sighed. "It's me. I'm just not there yet. I said I wanted to take things slow with her and I am."

"Oh." Ted looked away for a moment, and then back to his friend. "You can go on a nice weekend with her and NOT have sex, you know."

"I know, but I can tell she's been hinting at it." Barney went on to further explain. "She… asked me what would be a comfortable fit for protection." Then he sighed. "And if I had any discomforts about the act that she should know about, so she doesn't cross a line."

Ted nodded. He leaned forward, his hands on his knees, and stood up.

"Well my boy it seems like you are just going to have to tell her the truth."

"What? No, I can't- I don't want to hurt her feelings." Barney dug at his fingernail.

Ted looked down at his best friend. Well, one of them. "You are going to hurt her feelings more by doing something you don't want to do with her. That's not going to make her feel good at all."

Barney nodded and prayed that Patrice would not be offended.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: The One Week

Rated: PG

Author: desiringpirates

Summary: Barney and his new girlfriend, Patrice, plan a retreat to the mountains for a weekend. This leaves Robin feeling down, angry… and sneaky. Meanwhile, Ted fails to impress at one of his classes.

Author's Notes: As promised, an update! I hope I'm not rushing through this story. I kind of wanted to make it seem like it was an episode, hence the reason it's only three-four chapters long! Though it is not narrated, and Ted's kids are not involved. I couldn't really be bothered, as this is mainly about Barney/Robin. I also hope I keep the characters in-character, I've never written HIMYM before so I am still working out some kinks.

**CHAPTER TWO**

"Well, my day sucked." Ted said as he walked into his best friends, Lily and Marshall's, apartment. He walked to the fridge and grabbed himself a beer.

"Oh. No. Tell me." Lily sarcastically said, in the middle of changing a poopy diaper. Her red hair was a mess, Marvin was crying, and Marshall was late coming home from work. Mickey had also left early, leaving her with a crabby baby and a growing case of frazzled nerves.

"It started out okay." Ted kept going, ignoring the fact that Lily was glaring daggers at him. "I walked in with my model, pictures, and maps. I was all ready to amaze my students. I got halfway through my lecture, looked up, and realized that every single one of them was not paying a lick of attention."

"Did you yell at them?"

Ted grimaced. "Well... no. I was more embarrased than anything! I just kept talking about the structure, hoping that eventually they would be excited."

Lily motioned to the huge model sitting on her coffee table. "Is that what you were showing them? The GNB building?"

"Yeah." Ted said, nodding.

"Ted, you have had that lecture already with your students." Lily pointed out, picking up her son and the dirty diaper.

"What? No I haven't!" Ted immediately denied.

"Last month. I remember because you wouldn't shut up about it." Lily stood up, Marving bouncing on her hip.

"No I did-" Ted stopped. "Wait a second. I had this lecture before!" Ted exclaimed, flashing back on that class. He waved his hands around. "So I just wasted all their time?"

"Yup! You, my friend, are like a dirty diaper to those students today." Lily placed the diaper into Ted's hand, a little forcefully. "A sack of shit."

Ted looked disgusted, and quickly threw out the diaper and went to the sink.

(B)(R)(O)

Barney looked over at his friend and sighed. Robin was staring at him today, and he was feeling a little uncomfortable about it. She was also twirling her hair around her finger and biting her lip, trying to look seductive. Barney was not dumb, he knew what was going on, but he was finally happy with someone. He did not want to ruin that, not like what he did with Nora.

Ted said something about his class, and Barney just sighed out loud and rolled his eyes.

"Just imagine them naked, Ted."

"No! Barney." Ted did a double take. "Are you even listening to me?"

Barney shook his head. "No not at all."

His phone dinged and he looked down. It was a text from Patrice. He smiled.

"Oh... I know that look." Ted winked at Barney. "I guess the talk went well?"

Barney nodded, and picked up his phone to text Patrice back. Robin sat up straighter, an scowl on her face and her fingers itching to slap someone. Namely Patrice. Maybe Ted. She grabbed her drink off the table and downed the last of it.

"Look at that! I need a refill." Robin stood up and turned to walk to the bar, when she heard a sentence that made her stop cold.

"Patrice and I are going up to the Catskills this weekend."

Before she realized what she was doing, she turned around and stared down at Barney. It was her look of death. Barney actually shivered and looked nervous. Ted's eyes grew wide and he grabbed the table for support.

But it passed. She swallowed her anger, and smiled. "Sorry. I thought you said something bad about the Kanucks, but it wasn't so." Robin laughed, feeling bile at the back of her throat. "Oh look! I need a refill."

Barney nodded, and both boys watched at Robin walked to the bar. She then threw her empty glass down on the bar top so hard it shattered, and he walked out of the establishment.

(B)(R)(O)

"I need to get rid of Patrice."

"No you don't." Lily replied, shaking her head. She sat on Robin's stylish couch, enjoying the fact that there was no screaming baby or needy husband near her.

"But they are wrong for eachother!" Robin said, pacing up and down the plush carpet. "And before you say anything, no, I don't want Barney. I just need him to see that they don't belong together!"

Lily had had enough. "Why?"

Robin stopped in her tracks. "Why what?"

"Why do you want Barney to leave Patrice so bad? I admit, it is not an ideal arrangement- one I never would think of, but Barney is happy and settling."

Robin shrugged her shoulders. "They just... don't belong together."

"Why?"

"Because they aren't!" Robin crossed her arms.

Lily stood up and faced Robin. "Why?" She asked quietly, and noticed that Robin could not quite meet her eyes. "Is it because you feel guilty?"

"Guilty?"

"Think about it." She gently gripped Robin's hand and sat her down on the couch. "You had a chance with Barney. It failed. Then you realized too late that maybe you lost something great. So you and Barney relapsed, had a night together, and you dumped him for another man."

Robin lowered her head. Only Lily had known that that had happened.

"Then he met someone. Got engaged. Broke it off, helped you dumped Nick and then shared a kiss. Which you rejected him. Which led him to give up on you. And you feel guilty because you realized that not only did you know that he was chasing you... but that you liked it."

Robin felt tears burn at the corners of her eyes. Lily reached out, rubbed her shoulders, and continued.

"You were using your friend's affections to make you feel good without the feel of commitment. You were using Barney and now you feel bad."

Robin let a tear fall and sniffled. "I don't know what to do. I don't want Barney back but... I do."

Lily hugged her friend. "Oh sweetie. You two are so messed up about each other!"

Robin laughed through her tears.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: The One Week

Rated: PG

Author: desiringpirates

Summary: Barney and his new girlfriend, Patrice, plan a retreat to the mountains for a weekend. This leaves Robin feeling down, angry… and sneaky. Meanwhile, Ted fails to impress at one of his classes.

Author's Notes: Chapter three, the last chapter! Oh, the ending of the last one was too angsty, wasn't it? But no worries, hopefully this chapter isn't too dramatic and you like the ending. Maybe I'll write more HIMYM fics. Maybe I won't. Probably won't. No, I won't. I miss my pirates.

**CHAPTER THREE**

"So are you all prepared? Ready to go?" Ted asked, watching as Barney packed up his trunk of the car. "Don't do anything stupid."

"I'm fine!" Barney said. "Ted, I've taken many girls out to many places. I believe I know what I am doing."

"Do you?" Ted asked, seriousness dripping in his voice. "Do you really?"

"Oh dear, we are getting serious again." Barney rolled his eyes.

"Hear me out. You've had a rough year. Your engagement gets called off, you get rejected by Robin, and now- now you are going out on a weekend with a girl you barely know."

Barney was silent.

"I'm just afraid that you are moving too fast in this. Trust me, I'm an expert about moving too fast."

"Ted. I'm fine." Barney reached into his pockets. "You know why? Because I have this." And he produced a diamond ring from his pocket.

"Barney-"

"No. Ted. I know what I'm doing. Trust me." Barney reassured me, and went to slide into the car. "I have to go get Patrice. I'll see you Sunday, a happier man."

Ted could only sit and watch as the car drove away. No one knew that Robin was hiding behind the tree, listening to every word, tears in the corners of her eyes.

(B)(R)(O)

TWO DAYS EARLIER

The bar at McLaren's was jammed pack, perfect for being concealed. Robin couldn't be near Barney just yet... but that doesn't mean she didn't want to know what was going on with him. Hence, the reason she was hiding. And watching her booth. And maybe there was a little voice inside her head telling her that she was being stupid, but that voice was quickly hushed.

Especially when she saw Lily and Marshall's face drop. Ted looked to the side. A sure sign way that Barney was saying or doing something that the group didn't approve of. And by the way Lily was expressing her concern, Robin was certain that it was something that she was sure no one really, really liked.

To top it all off, Patrice was there.

Then she saw Lily mouth the word 'Patrice'. Then the word 'love', and 'mistake'. And Robin saw red.

That was when she picked up her glass of scoth and downed it, threw it up against the wall- hitting a couple bottles of wine and sending the whole shelf toppling down. Carl, the bartender, looked at Robin in surprise.

"HEY!" he yelled.

By that time the whole bar was looking at Robin. She got up from the stool, knocked it over, and was growing angrier by the second. By that time, Barney had stood up from the booth, and was on his way over to his friend.

"DON'T!" Robin yelled, making Barney stop. "Just DON'T."

"Okay." Barney stood still.

"How."

"How what?"

"How COULD you." Robin let the tears fall down. "After everything- EVERYTHING- and you go do something stupid and pigheaded and selfish at this. She is not even that great!"

"Robin-" Barney went to go walk towards her again, but Robin held a hand out to stop him. He did.

"Don't." Her voice had dropped to a whisper, the tears burning tracks down her cheeks.

(B)(R)(O)

"Are you okay, Robin?" Barney asked, sitting down next to her on the stoop. He could hear the crowd at McLaren's chattering away and wanted to go back inside to get his girlfriend, but... it was Robin. And she was unhappy.

Robin sniffled, and wiped a tear from her eye. "Yeah! Yeah. I'm alright." She looked at Barney, and sighed. "Just go back and find Patrice. Knowing her, she must be worried."

Barney was silent for a moment. "Okay. But..." he placed a hand on her shoulder, and she wanted him to keep it there. "Never mind. If you don't want to talk about it, that's okay. Do you want to come back inside?"

"No. I'm okay."

"Are you sure you're okay? Patrice and I-"

"I SAID I'M OKAY. GO BACK TO PATRICE." Robin yelled, her eyes wide. Barney's hand fell from her shoulder, making her feel colder.

"Okay."

"Okay!" Robin's tears were gone now, replaced by anger. She watched as Barney got up from the stoop and slowly walked back to the bar.

He turned one more time to face her, but she was no longer looking at him. He made a move to say something, but decided against it and went back inside the bar. The noise of the bar rose up around him, yet the ringing of Robin's scream still rung in his ears. Something felt wrong. Something was wrong.

But his girlfriend was smiling at him nervously, and he wanted to let her know that everything...

... Everything was okay.

(B)(R)(O)

"Stop obsessing about it." Lily said, rolling her eyes.

"I can't believe that I made a huge mistake like that!" Ted said, putting down his slice of pizza. "How can I teach the same thing twice in a row? They didn't even show up to class today."

"You are becoming a boring teacher." Lily said, following Ted's train of thought, because she knew he wasn't listening.

"I am becoming a boring teacher! What do I do?" Ted pondered, imagining that he swooped into his classroom like Indiana Jones and cracked his whip on the screen, producing images of magnificent buildings.

"Not Indiana Jones." Lily said. She stood up, brought her empty plate to her sink, and sighed. "Ted. I don't think you are obsessing over your class. I think you are obsessing over yourself- again."

"I am not!"

"Yes, you are. You always think too much about what you do for yourself. Why not try thinking of other things not concerning yourself, and let the school semester run its course?" Lily said, ending Ted's obsession.

"You're right." And with that, he got up and ran out the door.

(B)(R)(O)

Robin paced her apartment. Back and forth. Back and forth. Side to side. Up and down. It was driving her crazy. She just had to admit it.

"I love him." Robin sighed, and sat down on the couch. "That's so stupid."

There was a knock on the door. She stood up, walked over, and answered it. That was what was suppose to happen, right? Someone knocks on the door and you answer them. She didn't even bother to look through the keyhole to see who it was.

"Robin Shertbasky." Barney was down on one knee. "Will you marry me?"

Robin stared in shock. She quickly closed the door, took a deep breath, and opened it again to answer. That was what was suppose to happen, right? Someone asks you a question and you answer him. She re-opened the door, seeing that Barney was still on his knee.

"Why?" Robin asked. "Why now? Aren't you dating Patrice?"

"A ruse." Barney stood up, closing the ring box and leaving it in his grip. "The last one I will ever play. "I did it to make you crazy jealous."

"It worked."

Barney smiled. "I know. Robin, I love you. I was telling the truth when you were trying to break up with Nick. I did all those things simply to make you jealous and maybe, just maybe, make you realize that you still have feelings for me too."

Robin shook her head, fighting tears in her eyes. "Why didn't you just approach me?"

"Because you needed to find out for yourself. I just helped speed up the process." Barney reached out, pushing a lock of hair back. "The gang actually didn't think that it was a bad idea."

"The gang knew?"

(B)(R)(O)

_"Sorry. I thought you said something bad about the Kanucks, but it wasn't so." Robin laughed, feeling bile at the back of her throat. "Oh look! I need a refill."_

_Barney nodded, and both boys watched at Robin walked to the bar. She then threw her empty glass down on the bar top so hard it shattered, and she walked out of the establishment. _

_"Ok quickly Ted." Barney leaned over the table and grabbed Ted's arms. "Patrice and I aren't really dating I'm doing this all just to make Robin jealous the engagement ring is really for her and I hope you are okay with it all." He took a deep breath, letting go of Ted's arm to clutch at his chest._

_"What?! Wait-" Ted thought about it, but then saw Robin re-enter the bar. "That's actually not a bad idea you have my support but don't go by my words you should really talk to the gang - Hey Robin!" Ted finished quickly, smiling up at his friend._

_"Sorry. I forgot my purse." Robin looked over at Carl, who just appeared next to her with his arms folded. "And pay for the property I just broke! Is a check okay?" _

_Robin walked over to the bar to deal with Carl, and Barney got Ted's attention again. _

_"Meet me at my place tomorrow and help me out." Barney grinned. "Time to see if those acting lessons paid off." _

_"Wait how did you know I was taking- do you have cameras set up at the school?"_

_"I don't know what your talking about."_

(B)(R)(O)

_"So are you all prepared? Ready to go?" Ted asked, watching as Barney packed up his trunk of the car. "Don't do anything stupid."_

_"I'm fine!" Barney said. "Ted, I've taken many girls out to many places. I believe I know what I am doing."_

_"Do you?" Ted asked, seriousness dripping in his voice. "Do you really?"_

_"Oh dear, we are getting serious again." Barney rolled his eyes._

_"Hear me out. You've had a rough year. Your engagement gets called off, you get rejected by Robin, and now- now you are going out on a weekend with a girl you barely know."_

_Barney was silent. _

_"I'm just afraid that you are moving too fast in this. Trust me, I'm an expert about moving too fast." _

_"Ted. I'm fine." Barney reached into his pockets. "You know why? Because I have this." And he produced a diamond ring from his pocket. _

_"Barney-"_

_"No. Ted. I know what I'm doing. Trust me." Barney reassured me, and went to slide into the car. "I have to go get Patrice. I'll see you Sunday, a happier man."_

(B)(R)(O)

_Lily and Marshall's face drop. Ted looked to the side. A sure sign way that Barney was saying or doing something that the group didn't approve of. And by the way Lily was expressing_ _her concern, it was certain that it was something that she was sure no one really, really liked. Patrice was there, smiling._

_"Just keep acting like I am saying something stupid and you disapprove."_

_"You are doing something stupid!" Lily snapped, but kept her voice down. "Barney, you and Patrice are pretending your in love to make Robin jealous? And then you are going to propose to her?"_

_"I like it." Marshall said._

_"Me too." Ted agreed._

_"Lily I just need you to keep quiet until tonight-"_

_"Okay! Okay. I will keep quiet. If it gets you two idiots together, you have my support."_

_They heard a crash. By that time the whole bar was looking at Robin. She got up from the stool, knocked it over, and was growing angrier by the second. By that time, Barney had stood up from the booth, and was on his way over to his friend._

_"DON'T!" Robin yelled, making Barney stop. "Just DON'T."_

_"Okay." Barney stood still._

_"How."_

_"How what?"_

_"How COULD you." Robin let the tears fall down. "After everything- EVERYTHING- and you go do something stupid and pigheaded and selfish at this. She is not even that great!"_

_"Robin-" Barney went to go walk towards her again, but Robin held a hand out to stop him. He did._

_"Don't." Her voice had dropped to a whisper, the tears burning tracks down her cheeks._

(B)(R)(O)

"So it was all a lie? A pathetic attempt to make me realize that I had fallen in love with you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you?" Robin's voice was rising, tears flowing down her cheeks.

"Did it work?" Barney asked.

Robin was silent. Here he was, the man she loved. Despite all his past conquests and plays he made, she still loved him. And he asked her to marry him.

"Yes."

Barney's lips crashed down upon hers, his arms reaching up to hold her close to him. She, in turn, held him tightly. Tears were rolling down her cheeks, and Barney kissed them away, one by one.

"I love you." He whispered, and she smiled. Barney opened the ring box and slipped the engagement ring on her finger. Their lips met again.

(B)(R)(O)

"So in conclusion, I apologize that I repeated the same lecture, and hope you all don't drop my course." Ted clicked off the picture slide show he made, and turned to his class. They were all almost asleep. " Come on, guys!"

"Sorry Professor Moseby, but you just repeated the whole lecture and just apologized to us at the end!" A blonde haired male student whined.

"Yes and you want to know what? I learned something today, that I am going to teach to you." Ted smiled. "Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do in order to make someone understand your intent."

"What?" the class asked, confused.

"I've been trying to teach you guys how it feels to have a skyscraper you designed go up on the New York city skyline! But you can't, because you are all cooped up in here. You will never know unless you experience all the emotions and wonder and pain that building a work of art will put you through. Not unless you do some very unpleasant things first."

The class was silent for awhile. "What?" they asked again.

"WE ARE ALL GOING TO THE SITE TO SEE AN ACTUAL BUILDING BEING MADE." Ted said, exasperated. "There is going to be a test on this lecture."

"Oh come on man, we weren't really listening!" the blonde kid whined.

"Not my problem, you've heard it three times." Ted shook his head. "And I thought college students were suppose to be smart."

(THE END)


End file.
